On rediscovering myself

“Who in the world am I? 

Ah, that's the great puzzle.”

~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Tap, tap, tap... is this thing on?

It's been a hot minute since my last post. I'm aiming to change that.

I lost myself for a while. Lost sight of the things I truly valued. Lost sight of the people I truly loved. Lost sight of the things I loved most to do. Lost sight of my purpose in life. I fell down a rabbit hole and couldn't seem to find my way out.

The funny thing about getting lost is that it happens so gradually. You're busy taking in the new scenery, not realizing that it is growing increasingly dark and dangerous. You often don't realize all the wrong turns you've taken until it's too late.

If you're lucky, you have people who love you -- people who keep searching for you, who are worried about you, who are calling out for you. Their voices cut through the swirling fog. You look around and realize just how lost you really are.

The journey back isn't easy. You're finally aware of the dangers surrounding you.... but you've grown used to the dark rabbit hole and the bright light of freedom seems both blinding and impossibly far away. You look around and notice that there are others like you, trying to scramble their way out of the pit. You grab their hands, they grab yours, and together you make your way to freedom.

Along the way,  you begin to find bits and pieces of yourself that you thought you'd lost forever on that dark journey. Those bits and pieces are now damaged, dirty, trampled, and shattered... but many of them can be repaired and restored over time.

For a time, I lost my creative spark, my passion for learning, my joy in life, among other things. I found fragments of them on my journey back to sanity. I've been cleaning them off, gluing them back together, polishing them up, making them useful again. They are a little cracked. Terribly imperfect. But they are mine. They are... me.

Whether anyone ever reads this blog or not, I want to keep writing. I've missed it so much.

It feels good to be home again.